Sometimes, my heart hurts. Do you ever feel that? Heart pain, heart break? It’s been building in me for over a month now (maybe longer…) and it was sneaky. It didn’t come every day, but instead it would rear it’s head every once-in-a-while, just enough to catch me off-guard–enough to make me nervous.
As someone who’s battled depression off and on most of my adult life, I know how this works. I keep my eyes open. And when I feel like sadness may be starting to take an unwelcome hold on me, I do what has to be done–I withdraw from stress, relax, spend some quality time alone, and regroup. Often, this is a time when I become quiet and just need to clarify how I’m truly feeling and why. If I’m doing too much, or dealing with too much from outside sources, I will evaluate what I can let go. Sometimes, it’s nothing, other times I can find a reasonable way to lighten the caseload.
Yesterday I took some time to work on a project for my daughters room. It’s something I’ve been promising her for…quite a while. It’s a storage necessity that would make both our lives a little easier, and get rid of some of her “floor-drobe” issues. What I didn’t realize was how bad I needed to actually do it. To do something creative. To make art.
And I’m still figuring all this out–what is art, what is not. And maybe, as I’m learning from Seth Godin–maybe it’s all art. This writing and connecting, creating and joining, these things I’ve done all my life that have brought me joy and success–it’s all art. I am art.
I AM ART.
In The Icarus Deception, Seth says, “Art isn’t a result; its a journey.” It’s the way God paints beauty in my life. It’s the people He brings to walk this road with me. It’s the way I’m nurtured by words and images, and creating them both as well as consuming them. It’s everything. All of it! All of my crazy, messed-up, mixed-up life. All the things I say and do and read and write and eat and see and want and love and leave and become and know. ALL OF IT! All. Of. It.
The challenge of our time is to find a journey worthy of our heart and soul. ~Seth Godin
Knowing you’re on a journey is half the battle. You still have to take that first step. Then, another, and another, and another. And that is hard. Some days, it’s damn near impossible. Today was one of those days where it’s feeling impossible. Until, sipping at my coffee, weeping over my keyboard, I read this:
“Maybe you’re in a season in which you feel like what you’re doing is all for naught, that you’re doing all this work and nobody’s paying attention. But maybe that’s not the whole story.
Maybe you’re being prepared for a season that hasn’t come yet. If that’s the case, may I encourage you to do one thing?
Show up
Even when the fruit isn’t there… show up.
Even when the critics tell you to quit… show up.
Even when you’re tired and tempted to throw in the towel… show up.
If this is a time of preparation for you (and not a time to start), do the work. Show up. Because what you are doing is sowing — that’s planting seeds, for you non-farmer folk — and though you may not reap them for some time, the work you’re doing is not pointless.
Stay the course, be brave, and your season will come.”
I know this is a season. And it seems long. But someday, I know I will look back and see how much I needed it. I know, because I can look back at the road I’ve traveled so far and see progress. I see where I’ve been and how it affected me, how I grew, even through rain and storms, the seeds were sown, and many have grown now. Waiting is good. Hard, but good.
The journey I’m on is worth it. I know that. And that makes it worth the hard days. So, if you’re feeling down, your road seems long, take a day–or two–and just relax. Get alone with God and nurture your creative soul.
And remember; spray paint is better than Prozac.
So, is this art? Or is it the cardboard I used underneath the pieces I was spray painting…what do you think?
I’m thinking of framing it.
Pamela S. Black 