The buck stops here.

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So. I just wrote that last post and not ten minutes later God pretty much stormed down my door and called me on my B.S.

That’s BRAVE? That’s what I told you to say? That’s how I moved in your heart?

Whatever. Get over yourself and tell them MY words. The words I gave YOU to speak.

None of us wants to do that. Do we? We’re all thinking one thing, and saying another.

Or, saying nothing.

And I want to be cleaning my front yard, or folding some laundry. Okay, maybe want isn’t the right word here. But I have plenty of things to do. My plate is full. So is yours. I have my agenda, you have yours.

But here’s the deal. See, I’m taking this course over at Tribe Writers written by this guy named Jeff. He’s pretty cool. He is good at calling people out, encouraging writers, building influencers; people who want to tell the truth–their truth–but they need help. Inspiration. A kick in the pants. People, like me.

The thing is, I go over there and I’m all encouraging, and supportive (well, mostly) and I keep telling people “Be BRAVE!”, “Use your words!”, “Speak Up!” When really, it’s just a bunch of hypocritical horse-pucky, because I won’t do it myself. I won’t open my own mouth and tell you what I believe.

Because…I’m afraid. Afraid of peoples opinions. Their judgement.

It’s ridiculous.

I’m ridiculous. I have been more afraid of what people think of me than I was of the God of the universe. I think I need to lie down…

But I’m not going to. I’m done wasting God’s time. He doesn’t need another pretty face. He doesn’t need another person to hold up and protect. I’m not going to let Him waste His love on me. He wants me, wants my soul, all of it.

I am special. I was chosen for a reason. God’s not going to walk out on me, He’s faithful. He wants to be all I need and for me to see His heart.

I can’t let another minute go to waste because God was crazy for wanting me. The truth is, He was crazy for wanting all of us. But, here’s the most insane thing: those of us who know that, aren’t living like it.

Where is grace? Do we even understand it? Grace.

You know, people everywhere are talking about how the church is broken. In some ways, maybe even useless. They are walking away. People like Donald Miller, and Barbara Brown Taylor. People in the church, and those outside of it. But The Church is not a place, or a denomination, it’s a people. It’s us. You and me, we are THE CHURCH.

“It is impossible that the church should do anything that individuals do not do”

A.W. Tozer

Hello? The church is people. It’s us people! We are asleep folks. We’re like the walking dead. We’ve become zombies for crying out loud! Just like the new testament church in 1 Corinthians 10, and the Israelites in Deuteronomy 1, we we’ve stayed long enough at this mountain. Much, much too long.

It’s time to possess some promised land.

Do you want it? Because I do.

Because I’m sick to death of the culture war. It makes me gag. I’m tired of us chasing our tails while the world burns down. We want to save the world, just not, you know, all those sinners.We pick our little darlings and parade them around; homosexuality being target Numero Uno.

Am I lying? Really? Prove me wrong.

So, when was the last time you talked to a homosexual? Never? Well, I have. Lots of them. I call them friends. I love them. And when I see them, I have to hold back because what I really want to do is run to them and hold them. I want to weep. I want to tell them I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you are the scapegoat of our generation. I’m sorry you are our pet sin. I’m sorry we–the church–would rather shoot the hostage than kill the kidnapper.

Do we have to agree with their choices? NO. I probably don’t agree with all your choices either. I don’t agree with all my own. In fact, I’m pretty ashamed at my own choices on a daily basis. I have plenty of opportunity to regret.

How would things change if, this Sunday, when you walked into church they gave you a piece of paper at the door, a pen or pencil, and a safety pin.

“Please write down all your sins for this week so we can all see them and judge you accordingly.”

 

Would you do it? What would it say?

Liar? Thief? Adulterer? Glutton? Idolater?

Feeling convicted yet? Or, did you need me to SHOW YOU your sin before you felt convicted? This is a blog for pete’s sake–I can’t see you. But you feel it don’t you. That gnawing, aching feeling in your chest? That? Oh, that’s the Holy Spirit. Yeah. And you know what? He doesn’t need my help–or anyone else’s–to act. He’s pretty good on His own.

Do you think we could maybe give Him a chance to work…all on His own. For once?

Huh, Church? Are you listening yet? Are we awake yet? Or is God going to have to kick start us a little harder. You think He won’t? Because I know He will. Keep ignoring Him and He will just have to start talking louder.

Does this post offend you? Does it make you angry? You know what I wish it would do? I wish it would break your heart. I wish the church really was broken. Broken enough to be what it was meant to be.

I wish this post would make you want to go find the first person you can that needs Gods Love, Mercy, and Grace and hug them. I wish you’d love them and accept them the way God loved and accepted you–with all your flaws. The flaws you have now, still today. Oh you’re forgiven, that’s right. But you aren’t perfect yet. And I’ll bet you know that.

God loved me right in the middle of my sin. He loved me before I sinned. He knew I was going to screw up, and keep on screwing up. Even when I want to get it right. Even when I think I have it right, even now, this second–when I feel like I’m right where He wants me– saying exactly the words He wants me to say–I could be wrong.

But if I’m going to err, I’d rather err on the side of love, than caution.

I’m done playing it safe.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “The buck stops here.

  1. I’m reminded of Brennan Manning’s quote: “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” There are too many Christians who seem to focus on “sin”, instead of focusing on “love”. Jesus gave us two rules: “Love God” and “Love your neighbor.” Why is that so hard? Nothing is said about loving your neighbor if he doesn’t sin… or only sins a little (whatever THAT is)… or only sins in the same way you do. While other Christians chase their tails…. Until they figure out those two simple rules, I’m with you — I’m going to err on the side of love. Great post, Pam!

    • Thanks Brenda for commenting! I have felt this way for years. It breaks my heart. So many people held in their own fears of a God who doesn’t see them or care for their problems. All because we refuse to extend grace. I hope I can continue to be honest. It feels good to finally get the truth out.

  2. ” I have been more afraid of what people think of me than I was of the God of the universe.”
    Hi Pamela,
    The above sentence jumped out at me. Yes, jumped. Brave post, oh brave woman of ten cats. I loved your bold writing.
    I look forward to read more of your writing.

    • Hey friend! My cats want to know how Pooh likes his book? They are thinking they need to send you a picture of themselves. Thanks for encouraging me. I hope I can keep writing from my heart. It not always easy to let the words out. Pray for me to speak boldly.

    • Thanks for reading and commenting! It’s really liberating to stop listening to the voice of Resistance. My words matter. Your words matter. It’s great to be free. 🙂

    • Thanks for reading Rick! I appreciate your encouragement. I love the church and I love to see us move into our true purposes~

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